just a thought

Lately, I've been thinking alot about my brother. Monday is his birthday. He would be turning 30. It's hard to believe that its been 6 years and 5 months since he was murdered. As time goes by, the memory remains but the pain begins to lessen. Maybe the pain doesn't completely go away, but it gets smaller and sometimes you forget about it. And then you may be driving or doing something, and all of a sudden it hits you. The memories flood out.

I think about all the missed memories - memories I won't have of him. Him at my college graduation, him at my wedding, or even him celebrating his 30th birthday. He spent 23 years and 7 months on this earth. That's too short.

I remember praying for him every time I knelt down to pray. I definitely had a burden for him. One night he called for my mom to pick him up, he had overdosed. I remember praying hard for him to be okay as he shook and kept repeating how scared he was. He was fine the next day. I realized how close he was to death that night and I begin to pray harder for him. My last prayer for him that I can still remember was "Lord, I would be happy if he would just come to the alter on his own and cry out to you." Of course I wanted him to receive the Holy Ghost, but I knew that if he went on his own to pray, then he was serious about changing his life. My prayer was answered. One Sunday night during alter call he went up to pray on his own. I knew that this was going to be a big turning point in his life. Things would get better from then on. Wrong. Just a couple days later, we get a phone call saying that they found his body. He was just getting on the right path, and then his path ends before he could actually get there.

It would be a lie if I said that I understand why this happened, because I don't. I've learned some things though. I've learned how to trust in God. There's no way my parents and I couldv'e survived this if it wasn't for God. We knew that He would be with us through the rough times. We also had reassurance knowing that we had a church family praying for us. I've also learned that God will not put more on me than I can bear. If he puts it on me, then He knows I can handle it. I've also grown to love Job 23:10. "But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. " All the trials we go through, strenghtens us and make us stronger. True gold withstands the fire.